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Fridays are always usually a happy time for me.  I get to semi-relax.  Usually most people in the office arrive late or leave early.  Actually all arrive late and leave early.  I just sit at my desk and read blogs and sporadically do work.  That is, if I have work.  Sometimes I ask for work and none is given.  So, I just sit at my desk and read blogs.

Every Friday I come in and the office mate says, “Happy Friday!”  Yes indeed it is.  A happy Friday.

Today though, I don’t feel happy.  It is grey and misty out.  That’s normally not a problem.  I like the rain.  So, that can’t be it.  There has to be something else?  Patrick and I finalized the menu for our wedding and we received a semi-finalized contract from the caterer.  I am super excited about that!  What is it then?

Oh I know.  There is no freaking internet in the office right now.

I heard you got no internets bro.

There are about 5 people here today.  Guess who is NOT HERE.  The IT guy.  The one person who can magically fix the router issue.  Well, it’s not so much magical as it is he has the key to the IT room.  I am stuck, left to my own devices.  Quite literally.  My own internet connected devices.  Basically that’s my cell phone.  I should have brought my iPad.  I was thinking about slipping out an eating lunch at the Starbucks down the street.  I was going to bring my iPad to read some research articles while I was there.  I forgot it and I was already half way to work when I realized this. DAMN.  So now I have to read things from my phone for the entire day.

Uhhgg! I can’t do this.  Reading on my phone sucks.  Plus, it doesn’t sound like I am doing any work.  I like to pretend to work by clicking away on the keys as I visit random websites like a madwoman!  Looking through my phone really lets my office mate know I am a slacker.  Put your damn headphones in YOU!  So you can’t hear whether I am clicking at my keyboard or not!

Internets, why you no work?

I have restarted the computer.  Nothing.  The same stupid yellow triangle icon with an exclamation mark smack dab in the middle is a constant reminder that I have no internet.  I hate you.  Right click and troubleshoot?  No.  That never fucking works.  I don’t even know why that’s an option, really.  Open up the Network and Sharing Center?  I like to share.  Especially when someone shares internet connections with me. No, you say? You don’t want to connect because I don’t have a valid IP configuration?  WELL FINE!  Be like that!  It’s not the size that counts, it’s how you use it…

Fine. Be like that.

Wait, that doesn’t make sense here? Sorry my b.

Oh the sense of false hope you instill when the whirling little circle icon is hovering over the local area connection and the Windows Network Diagnostics Center resolutely tells me it is indeed “Detecting Problems” and “Resolving Problems”.  You bastard, you.  You lied to me.  You never were going to fix the issues were you.  No matter how many times I click on the “Continue trying to fix the problem” you hold fast and firm.  You are determined to keep me from the internet.

Well you can’t fight fate.  The internet and I are MEANT TO BE TOGETHER!  I’m running away and never coming back!

What’s that?  I’m grounded!?

Screw you, you can’t tell me what to do!

Wait, what?  That doesn’t work here either?

Well, damn.



What if I turn off my computer and then unplug the internet cord?  What if I pet the top of the tower nicely and promise ice cream and cookies? NO!  You still won’t give me internet!


I’ll even throw in a tickle or two….



Hate is a strong word. So is “Go die”. Wait, that’s two.

Oh what’s that? IT guy is in today.  Well then, that solves everything.

Internet problems