I really promise that I am in a better mood today. I realize that my readers (all 2 of you, maybe 3) don’t like to read depressing, agitated, bitchy, melodramatic posts. I guess if they are “juicy” enough you might, but honestly, my life’s not that exciting. I’ve always wondered if I took the Seinfeld route, how my life would play out as a sitcom. A show about nothing. Well it’s got to be about SOMETHING. NOTHING. Okay, I’m done.
Seriously though, the post that went up yesterday was sitting on my computer for a few days, scheduled to upload, and then quite frankly, I forgot about it. It was scheduled to go up and so it did. When I realized that I was a little too busy to actually write a post yesterday, I got mad because I have written 1(+) post(s) a day since I started blogging. But, to my delight, I realized I had one up already! Granted, it wasn’t the most delightful post but whatever. Oh, and I should mention that everything in that post was hypothetical and I was speaking about a friend of a friend’s situation and totally not my own. Also, it should be noted that said situation occurred on Mars and not Earth. There, I think I covered that pretty well. Shall we move on? We shall…
Today as I was driving to work I heard a funny segment on the radio. The radio DJs? is that what you call them? Anyway, “those” people had brought up a topic about things they don’t like, or, things that really GRIND THEIR GEARS and then they had people either call, text, Facebook , or tweet their responses. Since I was driving, I didn’t do any of those things but I really wanted to.
What better way to put yourself in a good mood than to listen to random people talk about what bothers them. It was awesome! I’m not cynical or anything…NOoooooo
With this being said, I think it is appropriate to maybe do a list of 10 things that “Really Grind My Gears”:
1. When people borrow something (even if it’s a simple as a pen), then give you that borrowed item back, BUT it’s not the ACTUAL thing you lent them! For example, I lent a co-worker a click top pen….he returned a capped pen—without the cap 😦 FAIL!
2. Radio commercials that are an advertisement for something, like say laser hair removal, LASIK, heck even Subway or something…and they come up with this elaborate backstory as to why they went to the particular place, or ate that particular sub, or what-have-you. For example, I was listening to the radio (I do that a lot) and the one DJ was talking about laser hair removal (but you didn’t know that at first). She started the “infomercial” like so:
“So 3 years ago, I had just started dating my boyfriend and he wanted to go to the pool with a couple of his friends. At the pool I met my boyfriend’s best friend and then I met his girlfriend. She was sooooo pretty and perfect, sitting by the pool, tanning, sipping a drink. I went over and started talking to her and then she started talking about just how perfect she was BECAUSE SHE GOT LASER HAIR REMOVAL. I mean, her cooch was soooo smooth now and wow…I could basically lick her legs, and her armpits…don’t even get me started! I wanted to marry them!”
Okay well maybe she didn’t say the last few things but the backstory…that actually happened. WTF? Why not just say “I got laser hair removal and it’s awesome because I live in Florida and we Floridians like to lounge by the pool, like ALWAYS, and as a woman I HATE VAGINA HAIR!” I mean…that sounds way better, right?! I think so. No need to beat around the bush (tee hee).
3. Actually, this list…this list is starting to get way out of control.
4. One-Uppers. I don’t like one-uppers. I used to work as a bartender (way back in the day) and it was my job to provide entertainment to the lost souls who happened at my bar, sipping cheap whiskey, held down, lost in depression…ANYWAY, so I would tell entertaining stories. If I talked about a near accident that almost happened on the way to work because someone tried walking across the street and then STOPPED to answer her cell phone, well that was an entertaining story. But NOPE, the one-upper comes by and says that he was driving to work one day and a circus car cut in front of him and then stopped so that 8 clowns could hop out and pretend to answer cell phones (did I mention that they were mime clowns?) and then a giraffe stepped out and balanced on a beach ball. Well damn. I asked him if he happened to get a picture.
5. The Dos XX guy who is now plastered all over the world of internet memes. I don’t think I like the word “meme” even. I don’t always get this tiffed, but when I do, it’s about the Dos XX guy. (I understand that the link to this one didn’t make much sense…but I saw it and had to show you.)
6. When I show up to my gym, at 6:10 in the morning, and find that it’s pitch black and there are no signs of life in a 5 mile vicinity. Yea that sucks. And grinds my gears. Did I mention that I live like a half hour away too…I do.
8. When people leave small amounts of foodstuffs because they feel bad about taking it all. For instance, at work, people leave like a drop of coffee left in the coffee pot. Seriously dude? Did those two drops of coffee NOT fit in your cup? Oh I see, I see, you were just too lazy to dump the rest and clean it out AND maybe start a new pot. My b. Or, when people leave the cereal dust that’s in the bottom of the bag. Yes thank you, I will now snort my breakfast. Top-o-the-mornin’-to-ya, dickwad. It should be noted that I do none of these things…like, EVER.
9. People who call my cell phone 3+ times in a row. If I can’t or don’t answer my phone the first time you call, please just leave a message. Text me even! If I am in a place where I can’t talk most likely I can text you back. But calling more than once, IN A ROW…that’s asinine. My mom is a constant offender of this grave and disturbing behavior. She will call, leave the date and time and a message. Then, 5 minutes later, another call with accompanying message. I mean now she is just time stamping her insaneness (<– is that a word?). The woman got an iPhone to text. Please for the love that all is good in this world, IF I DON’T ANSWER use those letter looking things to form words to send to me. I promise to call you back because you are my mom and I love you.