You know when your day is going to be bad when the night before is bad. The bad kind of seeps into the next day while your peacefully asleep, unaware of the diabolical bad luck that is to consume your every waking minute for the next 24 hours. There is some good news and there is some bad news. Good: it’s Friday. Bad: it’s Friday with bad luck creepin’ up on your every move…waiting for you to sip your coffee in the morning and burn the goddamn shit out of your tongue. Thank you for that. I don’t think I really needed all my 10,000 some taste buds. I mean, surely that’s way too much for any one person to have. After I spit out my coffee in a rage of hot stinging pain, searing the the last little bud off my tasting tongue, I then had to clean the spewed coffee off my counter top, my shirt, the front of my dishwasher, and lower cabinets. Again, I don’t think I thanked you enough for that. Oh and to make matters even super-duper-fun-time annoying, I was now late. As I weaved through traffic like I was some sort of extra in Fast & Furious (don’t worry dad, not really), I couldn’t help but think of my favorite monologue from Seinfeld (Season 2 Episode 3).
ELAINE: “I never knew I could drive like that. I was going faster than I’ve ever gone before, and yet, it all seemed to be happening in slow motion. I was seeing three and four moves ahead, weaving in and out of lanes like an Olympic skier on a gold metal run. I knew I was challenging the very laws of physics. At Queens Boulevard, I took the shoulder. At Jewel Avenue, I used the median. I had it. I was there. And then… I hit the Van Wyck. They say no one’s ever beaten the Van Wyck, but gentlemen, I tell you this – I came as close as anyone ever has. And if it hadn’t been for that five-car-pile-up on Rockaway Boulevard, that numbskull would be on a plane for Seattle right now instead of looking for a parking space downstairs.”
So I finally get to work where, after a pleasant, uninterrupted 8 hours of sleep, I still find myself EXHAUSTED, sipping on a new cup of coffee and writing this post. By the way, THANKS! I can’t taste this coffee…I have no more taste buds left!!!
I guess this also reminds me of another one of my favorite scenes from Seinfeld…”Here’s to those who wish us well, and those who don’t can go to hell.”
P.S. I dance like that…yup.